Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
