If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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