Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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