the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
