You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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