Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
