a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
