Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
