im holly from the hills drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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