ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
