The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
