That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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