you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
