Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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