If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
