I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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