there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
