she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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