I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
