That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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