Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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