cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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