Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
