he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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