...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
