I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
