my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well you can't waste a boner
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
