I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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