HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
