Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
