There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
