A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My vagina is very pro this idea
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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