The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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