I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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