well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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