Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
