I hate your face
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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