road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
