I can't breathe out the right side of my face
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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