so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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