You can't special order awesome
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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