you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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