my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
