Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
