Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
