fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
