That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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