and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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