I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
