HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
