Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
